Ok so it’s over, and they are gone. The relationship is over. You are single...
Kinda harsh, but now what?
Do you still want to be with them?
Do they still want to be with you?
Are you regretting what happened?
What if you ended it? Have you made a mistake?
What if they ended it? Of course they made a mistake, right?
So, now what do you do?
DO
1. Give it time! You need some time to process what you want in the future so that you don't jump into a relationship too early because you get lonely. (Side note: in most cases, I don’t recommend getting back with someone after you have broken up... but that is another post for another time.)
When we break up, our main goal is to feel better...as quickly as possible. So what might we do
soon after a break up? We could go for the quick fix and emotional high of a new relationship. And when we feel better, we tend to forget our personal weaknesses from the past relationship and even may overlook similar negative tendencies in the new partner. You know why new dating relationships feel so good? Because you don’t know anything bad about them yet, and they still think you are perfect as well.
This sets us up to ignore the bad things in a relationship because we want to feel better!
A new relationship is not a fix for a broken relationship.
2. Take an inventory. No, not just the stuff left at their apartment, but where are you and who are you as a person?
Here is the thing, if you do not know who you are and what you want, you won't likely stumble into an upgraded relationship.
In this past relationship, did you settle for things that you wish you would have not settled for? If so, why?
What did you like and dislike about yourself while with this person?
Did this person’s character determine yours more than you would like to admit?
An inventory is an ongoing thing, so keep thinking about who you are and what you want in the future.
DON’T
1. Talk bad about your ex to anyone and everyone who will listen.
Be honest with yourself and others and work on what you need to do to move forward.
If you do the inventory the right way, you will be in a better place and will be able to process the good and the bad and move on. An inventory will help you talk past the hurt and/or anger.
Also, people who hear you trashing your ex might think more negatively about you than negatively about the ex you are complaining about.
We attract the kind of people we are. Do we want to attract negative talking complainers?
Nope.
Then don’t be one.
It's likely that you've already talked to some people about your negative experiences; that's normal. But we want to be better than normal. Yes, if he or she cheated on you or did something completely unacceptable, you will be justifiably upset. It is normal to be hurt and share your feelings about what happened. The problem comes when you spend more time tearing them down than building yourself up in a healthy way. This can prevent you from moving forward.
Relationships are hard. So if you are going through a breakup, try these out.
It will help!
Don’t worry about finding the right person. Be the right person.
-Chuck