Building Safety in Relationships
Updated: Sep 8
What does it look like to feel physically and emotionally safe in your relationships?
We can feel physically safe, but emotionally, we can build walls a mile high.
To build safety, one of the first steps is to become aware of what makes you feel safe and unsafe. When do you feel comfortable to laugh, play, take responsibility, or be seen? And what type of circumstances cause you to pull back, withdraw, and put up walls?
As you learn about yourself and your needs, you can begin to have conversations with loved ones. You can ask for what you need and listen to their needs. Unfortunately, as you try to feel safe, there may be times you inadvertently cause someone else to feel unsafe. It's helpful and important to build awareness regarding how our behavior impacts others. For example, if Jessi gets quiet because she feels the room grow louder, her silence might make her feel safer. But Mikey could feel anxious by her silence and begin to prod. His pushing tempts her to move further inward and causes him to escalate. As they become aware of their safety habits, they can explore what needs are being met by those behaviors. Then, they can try to meet those needs in healthier ways.
Sometimes people develop harmful “safety” habits such as turning to alcohol when tensions rise. Once it’s been named that alcohol helps a personal calm down, we can begin to look for healthier ways to calm down. The goal is for families to be able to build safety without making the rest of the family feel unsafe.
What helps you feel safe? I've attached a worksheet (below) I recently developed to help people build safety.
If you’d like help developing safety, my husband and I offer individual and couple-to-couple coaching. We also have developed quite a few free resources to help you at no cost! For example, here is of the blog posts I wrote to help people build mental stability. - Ashley
We are Chuck and Ashley! We're honored to walk alongside individuals and couples who want to strengthen their relationships at home and work. We are best suited to support couples who want to keep God in the center of their relationship and whose goal is to fight for their marriage. If you'd like marriage help, we'd love to partner with you!
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