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My Spouse is Resistant to Seeking Marriage Help

What do you do if your spouse is resistant to seeking help?

Recently, Chuck and I connected with Chris and Jamie from Expedition Marriage. They shared some tips to consider when experiencing resistance toward marriage help. Check out the video below and continue reading for a few highlights and some next steps to consider!

When facing resistance toward marriage help,

1- Start working on yourself.

Become aware of whether you’re in a positive or negative space regarding the relationship. (Learn more about living in a positive space in our course Why People Leave.)

2- Commit to growing in the Lord. (Check out our Bible reading plans Prayer Boot Camp or Spiritual Intimacy as Couples. If you do not use the Bible App, you can read the devotionals on our website as well.)

3- Invite your spouse to work on the relationship, communicating with them from a positive space rather than threatening or accusing them.

If he or she expresses resistance, consider asking “What makes you feel resistant? What are your concerns?” Then, working to communicate from a positive space, seek to find solutions that work for both of you.

We've also written about Why Some People Avoid Marriage Help, so if you think it could be too late to save the relationship, read the article to find out.

What if you are the resistant spouse?

If your spouse has told you there’s a problem in the relationship, there’s a problem. Even if you do not see it, it is important to respect that they are asking for help. Remember that if they’re asking for help, it is because they love you and want to be with you.

It is vulnerable to commit to marriage counseling or coaching, but remember you are choosing to invest in your future by doing hard things. You will still be in control, being able to say, “I’m not ready to talk about this topic yet.” You can even ask to pause to think or breathe. And even if it feels it wasn’t worth it, most people do not regret trying. But you won’t know unless you try. If you’re not ready yet, see steps 1-3 above to begin working on yourself!

Also, our free program Do Hard Things will help you reach big goals, make hard decisions, and provide insight and encouragement along the way. Or if you're wondering if you should stay or leave, complete our Why People Leave Program.


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